my life

I want to share a few things about me. I should warn you though, I’m going to get gushy and rambly.

I’m part way through my third year of self-employment. Running my business has been not only a huge learning curve (which I embrace with every inch of my being), but an unbelievably wonderful self-fulfilment, and the actualisation of a dream I’ve held inside me for most of my life.

I believe that self is incredibly important. Most of us don’t give ourselves enough. We concentrate on doing what we think we should be doing and what others expect us to do, and forget about our own hopes and dreams in the process. In addition, we often judge ourselves based on others’ opinions of us, and as a consequence, we carry out their expectations, which are often a far cry from what we are truly capable of being, feeling and achieving in our lives. How often have you thought:

I could never do that.
I don’t have what it takes.
I’m not good enough.
What if I fail?
I have too many other people to think about.
It’s not the right time.

Firstly I want to say you can do anything if you want it enough. And if you want it enough, then you do have what it takes. And if you think you’re not good enough, it’s because certain life experiences have convinced you of that, not because it’s true – everyone is good enough, everyone is precious and everyone deserves a life that fulfils them and helps them be the best they can be. And so what if you fail? Sometimes failures lead you to unexpected places, and gifts that far outweigh the failure, and sometimes the learning that comes with failure is valuable enough to make it worth it. And there are always other people to think about, but the people who really love you are the people who want you to be happy and follow your dreams, and if you do that, you will be a better friend, a better partner, a better parent, a better you. And it’s always the right time. Always.

I don’t like following the herd. I don’t like being told what to do. I like to question. I like to find my own way. I like the challenge of overcoming obstacles and discovering new things, and the feeling of empowerment that comes with that. I have always known this about myself, and up until a few years ago I struggled internally on an almost daily basis because I was trying to fit in with a life that was not allowing me to just be me. My old life wasn’t awful; it was fine, it was like most people’s lives, and sometimes people ask me if I miss it. But I really don’t. I never have, not for one single day, even in the terrifying weeks that followed my decision to leave it behind, even when the bank balance got a little scary and I waited for the phone to ring. Because I knew deep down inside that this was the right thing for me to do, and eventually it would bring about the life I was dreaming of.

I believe in myself, and because of that, others believe in me too. And since I’m a born extrovert, that’s important to me, because I couldn’t do what I do on my own. But it always starts with you. With self. There are people around me now who I didn’t know before Heartstory, who I hold very dear, and they tell me they’re inspired by me. That makes me just as happy as when my clients love the images I’ve made for them. The more love and inspiration and goodwill we can all spread, the better this life is.  I’m inspired too, on a daily basis, by people and their stories, and it’s inspiration that helps to bring about changes.

I believe that those who succeed in business (and indeed, anything like it) do so because they want to break new ground, and they have the self belief and determination to do exactly that. So far, I don’t think I’ve done anything extraordinary, and I have a lot of stuff to work on… but I’m carving my way, inch by inch, and the path I’m on is totally my doing, my creation, my dream. And that feels amazing!

In the past two and a bit years I’ve overcome some pretty big hurdles, mostly in my personal life. I had to, in order to be able to sell myself and my ideas and vision. I have to be proudly, unashamedly me, but the best version of me I can be. And I can honestly say that hard as it’s been at times, the reward is written all over me. It’s worth it. It’s worth the struggles and the risks and the complete terror of really and truly putting yourself out there.

So what am I trying to say with all this gushy rambling? Nothing in particular; I’m simply sharing my heart. I was inspired to write this because of some things that happened earlier this week (that I’ll tell you about in a minute) but it’s been in me all along. I want people to know that a lot of things can be achieved with courage and self-belief and an open heart. And I also want people to know that ‘success’ (however you define it) is not magic, and my journey to this point has not been all frills and butterflies. It’s been a rollercoaster, but every second is worth it.

Earlier this week, I was in Sydney attending the judging of the Epson AIPP NSW/ACT Professional Photography Awards. This year I entered eight prints, and was thrilled to receive six silver awards, one in the portrait category, one in the illustrative category, and four in the family category. It was an exciting, nerve-wracking and extremely fun two days spent with fellow photographers I adore, respect and am inspired by, and I highly recommend attending for anyone who’s interested in photography, regardless or where you’re at and what you do. It’s open to the public every year at both state and nationals.

And as if all that wasn’t enough excitement for two days, at the awards presentation dinner, I was completely thrilled (and knock-me-down-with-a-feather stunned) to be awarded Runner-up ACT Family Photographer of the Year. I can’t tell you how humbling and amazing this is to me. The competition in Canberra is phenomenal, and I am proud to call the women who I stand amongst in this business here in the ACT my dear friends. We challenge each other, support each other, inspire each other to be better, and I couldn’t have done this without them. So thank you girls; you know who you are, and congratulations for your amazing achievements too.

I want to share this one image, which only just scraped into silver award range, because I think it’s relevant to my gushy ramblings.

This image is one in a series of self portraits I’ve been creating since July last year, together with a small group of likeminded photographers. This image explores who we are when no-one else is around. So many of us are trapped in a world where we define ourselves by what others think of us. Is it ever really possible to reach a point where other’s thoughts, values and judgements don’t matter anymore? I had an experience on this mountaintop that had nothing to do with anyone but me (and the kangaroos), and yet I cannot resist sharing the resulting image with the world…

It’s so important to be able to define ourselves separately to everyone else around us, but our need to connect and love and share is what makes us human. And it’s a beautiful thing.

Have a love-filled weekend, friends. xo